Saturday, May 27, 2017

This Time

Last time
When I couldn't
Look into someone's eyes
It was too painful
I was left feeling
Stupid, awful and disrespected
I needed no words
To know that it ended
And it ended
On a nasty note

This time
When I couldn't
Look into someone's eyes
It was difficult
It was a mixed feeling
Relieved yet upsetting
It's only words
And words are all I need
To know it will end
On a good note


Last time
There was hope
Room for exploration
Feelings for development
With the uncertainty
It was exciting
And killing
At the same time
Then God was kind

This time
There was hope too
Time for recovery
Opportunity for another
Faith is not shaken
It was familiar
And expected
Short and sweet
And God is kind


Wen Xin

Sunday, January 15, 2017

I Love You

This chapter is probably something worthwhile to be in 2016 review. I guess now I feel inspired to write this down.


You turned to me, after 'Good Night' and you said the three words. It was a long night after a pour of emotions. I was caught by total surprise and I did not know what to react. It was too flattering, I felt the need to thank you, kissed you on the cheek and we fell asleep holding hands. The heat from summer probably contributed to our chemistry during the short time we had. Till this day, talking about you still gives me butterflies. A small part of me knows that you are always going to be special to me, vice versa too. 

Things had changed since we first met. We were like before but it was not the same anymore. What was new, was the honest communication about our relationship. We were clear with our directions and intentions. What had changed, was our emotions towards the relationship. We were not in sync with each other lives for months, and a lot of additional stuff had been introduced into our lives.

It had been a long while since I last heard your voice. Hearing your voice made me emotional. I have found calmness and security with that tone of voice. And to be assured of the appreciation of the friendship from the other side of the globe, made me happy. 

All of the sudden, I miss you 


We were holding onto our struggles in setting grounds for the relationship. I wanted so much to give us a try. I tried to please, I tried to adjust, I tried to change. On the verge of calling it a break, I said the three words. It was out of desperation but it was not a lie. For me to say it for the very first time, I think it was huge for me. 

Like the harshness of winter, you brushed it off. These words to you can be gone like the wind. At that very moment, I knew it was over. Maybe I felt slightly embarrassed. But I could not take the amount of negativity anymore. Till this day, it still hurt recalling the end of it. 

Determination held me on, not even curiosity can fight it this time. When a woman made up her mind, it was almost impossible to change it. The love might be there, but we were both holding to our identities strongly. The love might be there, but perhaps it is not meant to be. And those were our last communication.

Sometimes, I miss you.


It is funny. Both firsts, with so different outcomes. That's life isn't it, filled with decisions, happenings and outcomes. I wish I could keep it simple and straightforward most of the times. Hopefully the Minimalism project can teach me something in this.

Inspired by La La Land and my true events,
Wen Xin

Sunday, January 1, 2017

2016 Year in Review

Here we go again, 365 days later and an annual tradition kicks in, an annual review.


1. Graduation and Work

Major events of 2016 got to be the degree’s graduation and the commencement of the first official full time job. I took a longer and complicated education path, it felt surreal to be able to realise a teenage dream. The foreign country dream became true and the day was a huge relief. To me, all I have ever dreamt of is to wear the mortar and robe. The ceremony, though was just an event, was something I looked forward to as a mark to the end of a journey, for now.

Then it comes an obliged commitment, to commence work with my sponsored company. Working has not always been sweet to me. For some reasons, I have never felt belonged in a workplace. It has its ups and downs, I love the tasks and the challenges, and I am still adjusting. It will be home for at least 3 years. I would like to grow learning it and to give back to this company who made the dream came true.  

2. Travelling

The wanderlust is still in me ever since I discovered it in 2015. I did a local trip to Tasmania in Australia. Tasmania was overrated but the campervan experience was great for me. I felt I was overly ambitious in leading the road trip. But I was grateful to have supportive travel partners with me. I will never forget the Cradle Mountain hike, toughest hike and a mentally challenging one.

Then with the financial support from my family, which was guilty-charged; I travelled to Italy for a month. I wanted the graduation trip and it would be a great part for my Annual Project. I had 8 stops, I tried Couchsurfing for the very first time, I met my travel and language partners, I had some incredible travel adventures, I saw the beauty of Italy….. If there is such thing as falling in love deeply with a country, it is Italy for me. I learned that I would do two trips each year, one locally in Malaysia and an overseas trip.

3. Relationship

So much relationship development this year. It started with a bitter note, unexpectedly heart-breaking. It took me long to accept and recover, till this day while it no longer bothers me, it does resurface once awhile. I met someone whom I thought were life-changing for me. Though how ridiculous it sounded, I did fell for this one and it turned out to be toxic and unhealthy. While it was short, it was real to me.

Part of me was confused and lost, I confessed for the very first time. I was driven by ‘I lose nothing’ mentality and I got an unexpected response. The sweet dream remained as it was, and life moved on. Someone special did appear, it was spontaneous, it was wrong yet it felt so right. The tale was like the movies; the tale is still in progress. While there are struggles in this relationship, I feel grateful to have an angel in my life. While relationship has been so interesting this year, but I am still dancing on my own.

4. Annual Project 2016

It was a first trial, and I love this personal project of mine. I have some ambitions and plans for this but I know I have to take things slowly and discover the true spirit of this annual project baby. Italy turned out to be really amazing for a first topic. I was almost obsessed with it. Learning a new language was intriguing, I have not been learning a new language for so long. Travelling is always great. Cooking, baking, watching and breathing Italy for almost a year were good. Experience with the Italians were pleasing too. For more information, follow my Instagram and read my review for Annual Project2016!


1. Financial Misfortunes

I didn’t set resolutions for 2016, but I probably would do for 2017. But I remembered telling myself that I will have to have better financial management for myself in 2016. It turned out to be the worst. God seemed to be testing me about my 2015 theme: Letting Go. So much were taken away from me, a handful of gadgets, jewelleries, memories (my external hard drive!), cash and wallet…. I handled each misfortune calmly, with slight regrets. A couple of them were the result of greed, some of them were a lil harsh. I learned that I didn’t want to hold on to so many things. The 2015 learnings were working, I moved on quickly but it did some damage to my faith, as half of that were done by horrible people.

2. Mentality

The twenties are filled with self-doubt and uncertainties. While I tend to not know what I want, I always know what I do not want. As you grow older, the responsibilities grow with you. Part of me has great expectations towards myself and I allowed it to overcome my self-esteem. I forgot how or when did the self-esteem get so low, and how and when I am so conscious about the surrounding. It always feels like I am not good enough in things I do. But I am grateful that I can always find a way to heal. It takes time but I will heal.

3. Trust
2015’s theme was ‘Letting Go’. 2016’s was ‘Trust’. Unlike the Annual Project, theme of my year is not chosen. It’s a trend that I noticed from strings of life events in that particular year. In general, I trust people to not harm/hurt me intentionally, whether the person be a stranger or known. Sometimes, words can be a powerful weapon that the actions, the year started with someone so dearly to me hurt me with words. 

Then a couple of encounters with some strangers on the financial misfortunes. Then the process of trying to love someone hurt when I was being brought down by the person whom I thought was special. I trust the thief would not want to steal my precious things. I trust people to not deliberately leave me out of things that I should know. I learn to trust to allow a relationship to work when the odds are low.

4. Diet

The diet business was as usual for the year, except I cooked more than usual without a student body commitment. I cooked Italian-inspired food and made more desserts. Then I found out about my bloated stomach issue and realised my vegetarian-inspired food combination was too carbohydrate-based. I quickly switched it to hi-protein diet and back to non-vegetarian diet after 4 years. The guilt does kick in once awhile and I really wish to work on a better diet for 2017.

In summary

There goes my review for 2016. To be fair, the year was not too bad, it was not particularly great but it really wasn’t too bad. It was eventful with a couple of milestones and a huge life transition. Not too sure what to expect in 2017 but I am drafting my resolutions soon, just as something to look forward to. Thanks for reading this.

Wen Xin

Saturday, December 31, 2016

Annual Project 2016 - The Review

Finally, I penned this down: the story of how my Annual Project is borned…

The Origin…

A lil background information about myself, I have a lot of interests, just way too many interests. I have yet to find my passion and I guess a part of me wanted to me a renaissance kind of person. Well, of course I am no Leonardo Da Vinci nor Michelangelo. But the wide range of interests have developed over time, some were short term, some were around for years – this could be explaining my commitment issue.

A throwback to somewhere in mid-2015, I saw a shared Facebook post by my buddy, Sumin on a Taiwanese performance artist, Tehching Hsieh who is famous with his One Year Performance. I remembered being inspired by his dedication on delivering a year in producing his performance artwork. This probably planted the idea for this Annual Project in my head…

Another throwback to 3rd November 2015, I remembered it was during the 5th semester’s exam period. I always get inspired during exam preparation - one of the result from my procrastination! I decided and penned this down immediately in my iPhone notes: as a birthday gift for myself: to document an annual project each year in dealing with my many interests. I will dedicate a year to learn/embrace a topic/lifestyle and draw inspiration from it. 

The Topic and Structure of Annual Project…

The inspiration poured in too quickly that very one night, I now have a list of projects to do which could last me for two decades. The chosen topic is purely any topic which I have a great interest to explore at that time, as long as it makes sense to me. There are no rules in the project, and there were no expectations. But I will be restructuring this for 2017’s.

I was going to go with Project Fear in 2016 which includes drafting a Horror Production. Then ITALY came up as the greatest interest at that point. The rest is history. An Instagram account is set up to document the learning journey. I immersed myself in the project and am pleased with the development.

2016: ITALY – the Review…


The food – Italians held great pride in their food and I learned to not start argue on food with the Italians. I tried to cook and bake a handful of Italian dishes, the experience was amazing, apart from a few failures. Who knows Tiramisu can be easy and frustrating at the same time!

The graduation trip – one month in Italy was the highlight of the year. I was so unprepared but it turned out to be a beautiful experience. The food, the people, the attractions, the lifestyle; everything was almost perfect and as usual, I pushed my boundaries – trying Couchsurfing and not planning almost anything.

The Italian friends – Thanks to the amazing language app: Hellotalk, I made a good number of Italian friends. I had a language partner whom I had regular Skype sessions with. I had a travel partner whom I met while travelling in Australia. I have a handful of Italian friends whom I am keeping in touch with. I have some unpleasant times. But I also met a Roman angel, another highlight of the year.

The culture and the lifestyle – From the friends and the obsession with Italy, I learned a fair bit about this beautiful country. The summer lifestyle, the pride with food, the flirty but romantic Italian men, the family culture, the university lifestyle, the beauty of the language… It is amazing to learn about culture from the other side of the world, it was fresh after the Malaysian and Australian experience.

The not-achieved:

The language: I took a 3-month elective course (Level A1) in basic Italian and excelled in it. My command is good enough to survive introductory conversation for 3 minutes. And point to an object and name it. But I did not manage to self-study and get to Level A2. I have invested enough of materials but can’t seem to find the time or the drive to study it when work has started.

The Italian entertainment: I was hooked to an Italian drama (Gomorra) for a while, and some Italian pop songs. And I watched a couple of classic Italian black and white movies. It is a good platform to improve the language but the motivation is not there.

In summary for Italy and the Annual Project

For a first, I am pleased. I am crazy about Italy than any other thing. I love the overall experience and I hanged on for a year with Italy. And it gets emotional to move on to a new project as the year ends. But Italy will always live with me. And Italy is definitely my favourite country and is now the only country I know I would want to return to. What’s next is a new annual project for 2017 but I am aiming to continue to master Italian and I am sure the Italian elements will appear in the 2017 project.

I have some plans for the Annual Project and I hope I can develop it as a side commitment, it’s one of my 2017 resolution. If you are interested in doing an Annual Project, I urge you to jump into it, and share it with me! 

Wen Xin

Sunday, November 27, 2016

Fun with Fours

Tagged by Shao Qi on Facebook, and I feel like writing: the stories behind this

Four names I go by:

I'd prefer Wen Xin, but it seems like a tough Chinese name. Wenz is the name I had during high school. Xin is an exclusive one to my parents. And Wendy, is just an easy name I don't want to bother repeating my preferred name. When my mother adopted the similar fashion in getting an English name, I frowned. Then it hit me, I adopted her password style anyway, so we are even.

Four places I've lived:

I was born and bred in Selangor. My grandmother babysat me in Perak. I spent 3 years in Canberra. And I am currently living in Kuala Lumpur.

Four things I love to watch on YouTube

So I do start spending a lot of time on Youtube when I was in Australia. It is a good platform and opportunity for ordinary people to present extraordinary things. I followed a number of beauty youtubers, and realised the amazing stuff you can do with those beauty products. The industry itself transformed a lot lately, it's booming with females wanting to enhance their beauties with it. Then minimalism, which is likely going to be my next annual project! It is tempting to not watch it as much so I can proceed with discovering more next year. Short films, though not as much as before. Then baking videos, another booming sector. A number of my inspirations came from Youtube.

Four places I wanted to visit:

New Zealand! Because I have booked a trip for next July with my girls! That's going to my annual overseas trip. Philippines! The top country I want to visit in South East Asia, inspired by a travel video on Youtube. USA, I want to do a 6-month honeymoon camping trip there, if no honeymoon, it's cool too, Then Italy again! It's a country I know for sure, I would return. And I can't wait for the day to come. Maybe I can add it up to the next place to live.

Four things I love to eat:

I defined it with food that I would never resist. I am generally picky. There are food that I like but it is not a craving every time. If these food are present, not even 'I am on diet' can be a excuse not to have that. And I never be on diet anyway. Need no introduction, there you go: Chocolate, Fried Chicken, Fries and Avocado.

Four favourite drinks:

Similarly, drinks I would never resist. 3-layer milk tea, my Sunday breakfast's beverage. Hot chocolate, which I have been abusing the office's machine. Ice Lemon/Lime Tea, the substitute when I want something light and non-milky. Starbucks Frappuccino, the reason I would resist is when I need to have 2 meals instead of burning the money on a drink.

Wen Xin

Sunday, October 9, 2016

4 Words, 1 Story [Happy Edition]

In August 2015, I wrote a post on the saddest stories in 4 words: look HERE. Then I stumbled across this photo.

I miss you too.
I really want you.
You left a legacy.
Am attracted to you.
You are very sweet.
You have beautiful eyes.
You have been selected.
I really wuv you.

Inspired by true stories,
Wen Xin

Saturday, July 9, 2016


 I woke up in a studio with my dad whispering Happy Birthday, I was too blurred to acknowledge it. I proudly cooked up a storm, presenting him one of the Australian breakfast while proudly showing off my poached eggs skill. We went for a short walk along Bondi Beach and tried out a chic cafe with almond milk as its best product. I enjoyed the free and easy part where we took things easy. Dad had a dinner appointment with his friend and we hit the CBD. It seemed so familiar yet foreign to me to walk on the streets of Sydney, which made me missing Canberra even more. 

The unhelpful weather had both me and dad walked for 25 minutes under the rain until we reached The Star. While my dad was excited for the visit to the casino, I was more excited in getting scoops of gelato from Messina. The coconut and pandan flavour turned out to be a disappointment but I was pleased with the Italian nougat. I was glad to add some Italian touch to my special day, apart from a brief research on my trip. 

Before meeting my dad's friend, my risk-taking action might have caught on fire this time. While it is still too early to judge, it surely did not feel alright. Definitely a lesson to remember, to take measured risk or perhaps I should be taking less risk. Oh dear. Oh well. That is for later to find out. 

The rest of the day was not much. Tiredness had crept into me as I was having dinner, taking the train, taking the shower and now typing this on the bed. With a beer and a conversation going on, I started to reflect.

Just one more year to the mid twenties, I am not too sure how I feel about this. I do not want to complain about getting a year older but like last year, I did not feel like my age. I do not feel like 24. I am truly grateful for all I have this birthday, with my graduation as a (so-called) milestone and an upcoming trip. My parents being here with me on this significant period of time. 

But somehow I am still a mess, in terms of mentality, future career, financial management and relationship. Part of me still feel rebellious, irresponsible, irrational and inconsiderate; the traits which I do not like. There are still works to be done and I hope I can pull this off one day, to be the person I am pleased to be. Let's shut the negativity, shall we?

As my yearly tradition, I shut myself off the social media today, notably Facebook, but slightly active on Whatsapp, Instagram and Messenger. These three are the platforms which my close ones are able to connect with me whom I am truly grateful of having each of them with me on this special day of mine. Thanks to the 27 of you who were with me with your wishes and conversations.

To the 61 people who wished me on Facebook, Skype and email, thank you for taking the effort. To the family who were always there, I love y'all. I wish one day I would be able to be the person I am satisfied with and to have gotten all the experience I want. I sincerely thank you if you have been with me for the past 23 years. For the 24th year, I do have a couple of things in mind. A new adventure, a new chapter, a new direction in life, and hopefully a better me. Happy Birthday to myself :)

Wen Xin

Wednesday, July 6, 2016

A Letter of Gratitude

Warning: emotional piece ahead. 

I just knew it would be. I am an emotional person and even if I am letting go my emotional attachment towards items and memories, I don't think I am able to let go of feelings.

A few knew the story of how I made it here. All in all, it was not smooth sailing at all, and it cost me an extra 1.5 years with tonnes of scholarship applications and disappointments. 3 years and 3 months ago, I received a news and it was life changing. I stormed out of the lecture hall, half way through a Mathematics lecture, to take a breather. 3 months later, I was here. 

I found myself in a similar position as 3 years ago, in the same gloomy and chilly weather at this old but not ancient looking campus. It was not a fancy campus and it was not  a vibrant city as compared to where I came from. But it was all I need for a change, somewhere down to earth but still reputable, somewhere quiet but still have all I need. Canberra and the Australian National University became home for three years.

Like all phase of life, the moments were both bitter and sweet with its ups and downs. I had ventured into a couple of experience I wanted to try to form some perspective. And I had also been through some emotional roller coaster which had probably shaped my mentality. I cannot be prepared for everything but I think it is important to be mentally prepared with a strong mindset in facing almost any upcoming challenge. 

I lost my mojo to strive for the best result, somehow becoming the best student or being studious was not what I was chasing anymore. While my time in ANU had not been the best in adding rainbows to my resume, and it was not a collection of High Distinctions. I had gotten some failures and challenges which had shaken some of my confidence. At some point, I thought I would not be able to make it. At some point, I did doubt myself if this is the right choice at all. I was grateful when I heaved a huge sigh relief while peeping through one eye on my result. Overall the academic performance was not shining brightly, but I was certainly grateful that I am now done with it. 

But I would like to say I had gotten all I need from this 3 years, on personal development. Australia was special to me in a way that two of my life-changing moments were related to Australia. I got to experience the Aussie lifestyle - laid back, family oriented, of higher standards, leisure and happiness maximising. The time here had allowed me to have the freedom to discover. I discovered some lifestyles and I will be bringing it back with me to Malaysia. 

I also had the freedom and the opportunity to made mistakes. Some stupid mistakes, irrational decisions and measured risks. Things that I should not be doing, which had some detrimental  effects academically, financially and morally. Some cost me, a lot, of which I do not think I deserve the heavy punishment and the emotional abuse but I learned to take it as lessons which God want me to learn.

I worked randomly, for the money and experience. I found myself not having the sense of belonging to this community, bringing up my Year 11 English theme again. Despite subconsciously developing some Aussie accent and being in this Aussie environment, I never once felt belonged. I had known this while studying in the Australian International School Malaysia. I was a local student in a foreign environment. Here in Australia, I was a foreign student in a local environment. Similarly, both were strangers in strange lands. Despite this feeling, I enjoyed working, more than studying as always. The frustration of bureaucracy, the ethnic of service industry, the interaction with people, the exchange of goods and services, etc; still fascinate me.

I travelled extensively which was a dream I made before coming to Australia. I had never gotten the chance to travel. With Australia, I learned how to travel. There were a lot of first times for me, which I loved to try. I didn't credit it to being courageous. Even if it was a brave thing to do like many had commented, I did not particularly feel it. I just wanted to try and experience, at that point, it felt like it was the right thing at the right time at the right place with the right person to do.  

Other than being emotional to this city and this country, I am also attached to the experience with the people. I am glad that I have created some memorable times with the people here, whether it was just hours, days, months, or years. From my involvement in the Malaysian organisations, to my time in Davey Lodge and Fenner Hall, to my studies in the courses, my workplaces, the Canberra community; I could not thank each and everyone of you enough and personally, for being part of these three years which I know I will miss dearly.

To people whom I had cheated on or hurt, sorry, I did not mean it at all. I had always wanted to be kind and sometimes I missed the track. To the people whom cheated or hurt me, financially and emotionally, thank you for making me stronger, I am still in the midst in figuring out the distrust issue but the lesson I learned will be remembered. To people whom I shared a friendship with, thank you, thank you for the memories, thank you for your time, thank you for the love, thank you for everything.

If we will meet again in the future, take care till our next catch up. If our paths do not cross again, all the best with life. I am excited for a little adventure right after this and another three years of chapter will be unfolding. 

Wen Xin

PS: Despite having access to five libraries with amazing collections of books, I did not manage to make good use of it. I had always wanted to read more and write better. Thank you for reading this far, perhaps one day I would really learn to write properly. One of the annual project, maybe?

Wednesday, June 1, 2016


I have been wanting to write a song about this story for a very long time. But sometimes, you can't really force the inspiration to come. Finally, almost 5 months later, I managed to pen this down. Shitty melody as usual, but this is my story, a story which I never thought of the ending, not at least this way. 

I've never written a Chinese song. Although I had studied it until the end of secondary school, I generally still have low confidence in writing good Chinese. For some reason, the melody of this song suits Chinese characters. When the inspiration is here, the process doesn't take long at all, it was done in two days with half an hour of recording. And I finally mustered the courage to feature my first singing debut on Facebook.

If I could write the story, I wouldn't write the story this way. Sometimes you thought you have done enough and of course I could have done more, but things don't work out your way. It isn't a blame game nor this song is written with any intention but a signal as I have moved on. It's just one of the way of me dealing with things, to commemorate it in some forms. The story was not fruitful and got bitter at the end, but I wouldn't change any part of it, not even rewriting it like I have said. 

冬天了  一年了  时光不留人
后悔了  失望的  最后拥抱
点点滴滴  的那一天  痛苦地徘徊
甜甜蜜蜜  已经离去  永远在心中


紧握着一丝希望  你却恨恨的抹开
曾经的爱  何必伤害

渐渐的  晃晃的  走进了迷路
仿佛的  突然地  到了结束
一天一夜  情不自禁  我成为依赖
我不明白  我放不开  已变成失败


紧握着一丝希望  你却恨恨的抹开
曾经的爱  何必伤害


紧握着一丝希望  你却恨恨的抹开
曾经的爱  何必伤害
仿佛是个备胎  是你的爱

Of course, there were some assumptions with my version of the story. I never gotten the courage to find out more, or because it was too painful to even think about it. Or maybe I am just over-thinking and overreacting. Does it matter any more? At least I am glad to put this behind me. I have learned all I need from this experience, and let go what isn't belonged to me.

Oh it was fun writing the lyrics though, especially when I try to fit in a riddle in it.

Wen Xin

Saturday, May 28, 2016

The Sound of Silence

When I was a child, and even now as a young adult, one of the phrase I hate is 'shut up'. This phrase rudely dismissed one's right to speak. This phrase fuels the arrogance of the speaker to silence someone and to express distaste in the other person's statement, whether it is an exchange, a commentary, a debate or a discussion.

I used to be vocal about what I thought, not so much on issues, but my daily musings. I remembered posting up quotes that conclude my thoughts, attracting likes which is motivating. I do not know when it stopped. I wanted to write, and I know I have to read more and I know I have to engage more. Sadly I discovered that I could not write, eloquently and expressively. This fear haunted me for awhile, it led to me unable to write the production in my head, the argument for my group assignment, any public posts online. Instead, I resolve to stay here, in my safe space, my personal blog. But this blog, isn't a 'Blockbuster'-ed blog after all. I wish it could live up to its name one day. 

These few years, I practiced the sound of silence, and I observed. I read the comment sections on articles that interested me and not a day goes by that my hope shattered bit by bit. I began to lose my faith in humanity, the twisted views, the ugly language but most importantly, the need to bash up someone's commentary just to prove one is right, disgusted me.

We talked about grand theories and world issues, with the attention on social issues. Every comment stays firm on their own, there is less acknowledgement on differ views, there are more emotions involved with what is personal to them. Feminism, racism, sexism, war, politics, etc. The social media war is ugly. What are we trying to promote? That we have a valid voice? That the voice is worth listening to? That we have a position to take? That those voices are doing anything practical?

I found my last few Finance lectures to be very inspiring, to a point that I hope it is a turning point of this stage of life. Quoting one of the quote my lecturer put on the lecture: 

'The only thing necessary for the triumph of evil if for Good Men to do Nothing. - Edmund Burke'

Till then, in the wake of learning how I could nurture myself better, I hold on to the sound of silence. Until one day, when I can silence the sound of chaos. 

Wen Xin