Thursday, December 15, 2011

It's Just, Good Business.

In Pirates of the Caribbean 3, Lord Cutler Beckett's last words 'It's Just, Good Business' before he was thrown to the deep ocean when counter explosions from both Jack Sparrow's and Will Turner's ships fired. He was shocked at the utmost, at the moment of truth, he didn't have to escape to save his life, because there are nothing left in his life where the 'good business' didn't do him a favour. Looking up to the sky while walking down the stairs, it almost felt like a joke from God, what was he trying to tell? Work harder and do whatever it takes, and I shall grant you what you want. He died in style but left a mission unaccomplished.

Somehow I am relating myself to him, it's weird that I have never set my eyes on him when we have the very charming Johnny Depp and the very good-looking Orlando Bloom. *drools*

The HSC results and ATAR aren't favourable. It hit me with complete shock and disappointment at the moment of truth when the website loaded on 3.30am yesterday and 7.45am today.

I looked up to the awesome KL view from my balcony, somehow it doesn't look fascinating tonight. Trying to find the moon where it's eclipse news dominated facebook newsfeed last week, I can't find it. Funny, I looked up to the sky and wondered, what are tou trying to tell me.

Looking at my comrade, smiling with pride and occupied with honours, deep inside ny heart, there were boomerang of yells 'that should be me'. I want to numb myself with my office work and the adrenaline of exercise, feed myself cheese, chocolate, green tea to cheer myself up. Time might be the best remedy.

Trying to send some grateful emails, tears kept flowing, the mixture of tears with eyeliner and mascara dropped, till I watched Bones. Perhaps God is trying to fool me again, it was a episode where a murdered surgeon paralyses Brennan's life, it's dubbed as the episode that makes people cry. Brennan saw herself in the victim, stressed, lonely and detached. Her world turned upside down in 3 days.

My world turned upside down in 3 days, it will turn back right up in 3 days. No? When God closes a door, He opens another door. What if, I only wanted the first door, it's always the first door.


Wenx

Saturday, November 26, 2011

Same Shades of Blues.



I remembered,
When we wore the same shades of blue,
When we met in the tunnel,
When our eyes caught each other,
How those gave me faith that we had fate.

It was four to five months ago, 
From a student, to a stalker,
From follower, to Facebook friend,
From passionate, to losing interest,
Now that it's time to say goodbye,
I was not ready.

No more looking forward to the weekends,
No more tomato-red faces,
No more squealing inside my heart,
No more heart-pumping.

Should have had the guts to talk, 
Should have caught the last moment,
Wrong time wrong opportunity,
Perhaps it's better this way,
At least you will remember,
The girl who didn't talk to you,
The girl who didn't wave you back.

Never talk,
Never officially met, 
My best wishes to you,
And thank you for the teenage dream.


Love,
Wenx

Monday, November 14, 2011

Crash Crash Burn


Never knew something like this would happen to be so fast, just after 1 1/2 years of driving.

Never admit I am a good driver, but I do think I am a careful driver, or sometimes over confident. 12th November 2011. A very first accident, scary and traumatic. I am not sure whether I should laugh or cry. For sure, I am grateful  that no one was injured. But I totally can't remember that moment when the impact happened. Perhaps the 2 seconds exchange with the opposite car seemed short, but it was significant enough to leave a very deep  mark in my memory.

Driving on the opposite lane where I thought I was supposed to drive on, since my road was blocked. Light flashed from the opposite direction, I knew something was wrong. Slowing down and pressing on the horn made no help, an impact was inevitable. For one moment, I was completely clueless and senseless. Until my friend's voice broke the silence, urging to pull the handbrake.

It wasn't my fault, it wasn't the oncoming car's fault either. If there was a party to blame, it would be the wrong place at the wrong time. Perhaps this served me right, lessons are learned. I could have avoided this, in many ways. I couldn't stop thinking every time I am alone and every night when I am falling asleep, I keep asking myself 'why', 'why so stupid', 'why going back to that haunting path'?

I felt guilty for causing trouble to my parents, from waking up from sleep to lodging a police report, from 2 hours sleep to only 1 car to drive between them, from the trouble of getting back the report and sending the car to the service centre. All these wouldn't have happened if it weren't the pleaser attitude of mine. 

Since Saturday, I have been craving for support and love. I wish there is someone to hold me when I need a hand, funny, I have been waiting for all year long. Instead, what I got is requests from people asking for help. Sometimes, sorry is not the hardest word, 'no' is. I immersed myself in the routine of gym, wanting it to release the tension in me. Somehow it does ease me, but it all came back within me.

That flash of light from the opposite car will be on my mind for awhile, it isn't something to be forgotten so easily. The wound in my heart that has lasted for this year, it needs to come to a halt, thank God 2011 is coming to an end. Drivers out there, no matter how good or confident you are, accidents bound to happen any time at any circumstances. Drive slow and careful, safe and sound, signal left and right, look up and down. 


Crashed and Burned,
Wenz

Thursday, October 20, 2011

1 Down, 5 to Go.

The title says it all. The hellish week will start next Monday, lasting for 13 days. I cannot wait to clear my books, out of sight, out of fright. I was surprised by the waves of inspiration in the beginning of the week. I wish it didn't die down.

3 papers next week, 3 of my favourites, 3 of my best. Ironically, I am flushed by spasm of horror, worrying that I would not perform well. I am afraid being hit cold by failure and thud of disappointment.

I am very grateful for the support and love given by friends and family, yes I do feel the rush of love. I look up to inspiring figures for motivation. When I look into the mirror, I am one step closer to the finishing line but walking backwards due to hesitation, arrogance, distress and fatigue. Is it worth it?

You and I both know the answer.

In the midst of a serious revival, I ought to toughen up, stop myself from drowning in misery and focus on what I can change.



Love,
Wenx

Sunday, October 16, 2011

The End of a Beginning


Seriously, how many ends will we have? There is only one which is death. But through the journeys and chapters of life, there are countless beginnings where it starts from countless ends. For example, when my mother gave birth to me, it's the end of a 9 month pregnancy with the beginning of a new-born's exploration of life. When I fell while learn to walk, it's the end of babyhood with the beginning of childhood where things are magical. When I finished from UPSR to PMR, from PMR to SPM, it's the end of an exam which I would thought it's the hardest at that stage with the beginning of a harder one. Funny yet ironic. When you first get a boyfriend, it's the end of singlehood with a beginning to a relationship with someone, a special someone whom you would wanna share your life with. When you have broken up with the first boyfriend, it's the end of a relationship with a beginning of another relationship with a better approach and a tougher heart to love.

And now, with the example which is relative to me. When I am going to have my finals in Tuesday, finishing in 3 weeks time, it's the end of a winding journey with the beginning of the path to undergraduate studies, to a hopeful happening journey outside home. The manual countdown on my room indicates there's only one day left :S

You might wanna ask, are you prepared? I wouldn't say yes yet I wouldn't deny. Perhaps it have been a year long difficult journey, my confidence level is gradually decreasing, with a negative thought that 'no matter what I do, it's just not enough!' I have not worked hard to the utmost, I have not been studying day and night (but I do have my afternoon nap with books sharing half of my bed, it's just some peculiar habits I have, and yes, you may laugh), I have not been disciplined and motivated. I am afraid it might cost me my dream, a dream that I dreamt since I was Form 5.



I do believe God is fair. He will give you the returns you deserved. I know my degree of effort isn't worth my desired ATAR, but I do pray hard that He will bless me for the next 3 weeks. I thank God for showing me the motivations and blessings I need. Cristiano Ronaldo whom I idolised for years, yes I would try my best from now, eventhough it's just 3 weeks, to show my dream. Oprah Winfrey whom is so inspirational and powerful, where her show gave me strength to achieve, the heart for love and the will to continue. Mr B.L. whom is the true idol whom I met last Saturday (so starstrucked!) whom wished me with his words and a pat on the waist. My gym instructor who reminded me to 'chill, mate'. Family and friends whom show support, advices and love whom I am so grateful to have them.

Complaning about the lack of effort is no help to the battle, I pray for the best and I hope God will show me the path and the right way. Thank you, and thank you for all. Good luck to all of my comrades, may the best is with you.



Love,
Wenx

Saturday, October 15, 2011

To USA with LOVE


Need not introduction, she's one significant figure in my life. Remembering how we first get closed, it gotta be in 2008, Form 4 when we were destined to sit together in class. From class partners to good friends, from good friends to hubby-wifey, from hubby-wifey to best friends, it have been 4 years and we are still going strong.
  

Recalling all the sweet memories we have, it's just uncountable. First sleepover at your place, 'attended' Daughtry concert, watched Avril Lavigne's concert, all the after school hangouts, TGIF date, fortnightly catch ups, Singapore trip this June, first photo shoot, the sharing and gossiping sessions, Damansara Uptown adventure, birthdays, more and more. The last memory we had were the day you left. It really didn't hit me till the very last 10 minutes. We sobbed as we hugged, waved, and watched you left to the airport. Yet, the very touching letter you gave, signified our friendship has more to come.

 

It's hard to find a friend who will always make the move to keep in touch, because I know I am not. It's hard to find a friend who care about you sincerely. It's hard to find a friend who never gives up on me and willing to listen to my complaints. It's hard to find a friend who shares the same interest. It's hard to find that friend, but I am thankful I found you. 

 

I am not good in expressing love. But when I say 'I love you', it is a huge step and it really means 'I love you'. Dealing with your departure to the States, I am really happy that your dream comes true but it wasn't an easy feeling. There's less outings for me on Fridays or Saturdays, which will make my mother slightly happy. Although there's less communication, but we both know, the friendship is still going strong, because I love you ;)


Happy 19th Birthday Joanne Chong. 
Hugs and Kisses to USA,
From Malaysia with Love.
Sorry I couldn't make something special for your birthday. But you do know, you hold a very special position in my heart <3


Love you so much,
Wenz

Tuesday, October 11, 2011

The Girl in the Crowd


I read a magazine article the other day, describing his experience in a women-dominated environment. However, what if it's the other way round?


The picture says it all, being the only girl in a crowd of boys. Somehow it makes you feel special, but at the same time it makes you so fragile, so tiny and so self-conscious in a men-dominating world. Having to study in an all-girls secondary school, basically I am a nun for 5 years. 

For these 2 years, I experienced the situation in the picture. Very intimidating indeed. I am the only girl in the Chemistry class, out of 7 students and a male teacher. Perhaps I was too self conscious, it builds up a tremendous pressure in me. Being surrounded guys who are generally better in all sort of things, make me feel timid and useless. I would constantly remind myself to stop the stupid thought. But it wouldn't go away. The thought haunted me for almost a year. Performing experiments alongside the guys, they speak Chemistry jargon like I never would understand.

Most of the time, I am not listening in Chemistry lessons, somehow I am just not attracted to particles and bonds anymore. On the verge of dropping the subject, his words of encouragement and gaze of kindness popped out on my mind. He would always come and ask 'how are you doing', giving compliments and advice. Deep down, I wouldn't wanna disappoint him. 

Being a typical Asian as I said before, 'A' is something we pursue. The latest Glee episode suggested Mike Chang (drools thinking of Harry Shum Jr) scores an A- which his father says it is equivalent to F in Asia. Very true indeed. I wanted strings of A, I wanted to proof that I can. The egoistic me somehow cannot allow me to give up a subject that I have taken for 2 years

7 days to the flag off, and I am not even studying like crazy. I know what I want and what it takes to get there. But somehow, I am not doing it. I am afraid arrogance has taken over me, leaving lack of confidence and low self esteem in me. I wanted to wake up from these, not to waste any more time. But I can't seem to sit at the study table, looking at words, and write it up. 

I would need to remind myself, this is the last thing I can do if I want to get out of here, to see the world, to experience the culture. I would need to shut myself from thinking. I would need to transform those fear into confidence and motivation. I would need to remember to ease my parents' burden. I would need to make the best out of remaining 6 days. I would need a perfect score to obtain a glory. I would need to remember my teachers' expectations and friends' supports, not to let them down.

Dear God, please bless and help me. 



73636237,
Wenx

Thursday, October 6, 2011

Easy Money, Tough Life


I came across to the death if Apple founder, Steve Jobs just 10 minutes ago, he was only 56, died of battle to cancer.

It was very shocking, that the man who transformed the world tremendously, changed the way communication had previously worked and left so much technological impact to this modernised world.

56, not even the age of retirement. He set up the company in 1976, holding on to the principles of innovation and leadership, he was a success, a legend, a genius. But did all of these glories pay off? Did all of his effort allow him to get what he deserve?

I am not a technology savvy, nor am a person who know much about technology and business. But I do know the revolution of the iPad, iPhone, iMac, Macbook and iPod have changed this very generation. We no longer clutching thick books or laptops, all we do is surfing the net or reading through iPad. We no longer talk or communicate often, all we do is Facebook and Twitter or gaming with iPhones. We no longer hear the sound from the world, all we do is stuff our both ears with Beats headphones and listening to the mega playlist on iPods. Kids no longer holding soft toys and Grid Blyton story books because they have much better entertainment applications from iPad and iPhone.

I am very amazed and shocked by these changes and scenes I saw. Even so, a business opportunity came to me two days ago. Once again, I found myself in a dilemma and a sea of thoughts whether technology should be part of education. The answer is 'yes' but the old-thinking me kept denying the fact. Steve Jobs said: Innovation is what differentiate a leader and a follower. World-class leadership mentor, Robin Sharma said: Everyone is a leader and we need no title to lead. Now you see the contradiction.

I am encouraged to be part of the business, to earn what you call, easy money. Being raised in a middle-income family where I don't enjoy easy money and fast success, I am not much a risk taker, that explains why I am reluctant in approaching easy opportunity. Being a typical Chinese Malaysian, I am driven by competition, eager to success, strings of A's in certificates. Probably this is because I don't believe in risks, miracles, opportunities, I am definitely not a businesswoman material.

But what I am clutching on, is still a dream, a valid dream. I may not be a founder of a business company, knowing that I wouldn't have the guts to take risks and leadership to lead. I may not be the richest person or the rich lady with bungalows and sports car, knowing that rich isn't a good pathway after being in a rich culture for 2 years. But what I can be is a person who pursue my achievable dreams, learn from each success and failure, being inspired by each happenings, and discovered more about this world.

People are driven by unlimited wants, there is no end to what you can get in this world. You may call me stupid, but I thank God for allowing me to see through the evilness of greed and the power of satisfaction at this age. Steve Jobs might have had the time of his life through the success of Apple, what's the point of having a legacy if you can't enjoy it. I may miss out to an opportunity to investment and fortune, but I certainly wouldn't want my life to be just surrounded by money, money and money.

RIP Steve Jobs, your innovation had certainly paid off, the world can't thank you much for these lovely gadgets, it's a technological era which you have contributed your life, time and effort. Thank you.


Blogged from his inventions,
Wenx with iPad2 :)

Tuesday, September 27, 2011

When Grown Men Cry


I have seen Forest Whitaker in various movies, pointing guns to the bad guys. I have admired Laurence Fishburne as Morpheus in 'The Matrix' being the leader of the superior team. I have been charmed by Hayden Christensen in 'Jumper' and 'Awake'. I have been amazed by the sexiness of the current James Bond, Daniel Craig. I have always like Genie in 'Aladdin', voiced by Robin Williams. I have also been scared by Blonsky in 'The Incredible Hulk' which Tim Roth becomes a monster.

But, I have not seen them cry.

I remembered looking at this photography article in StarTwo, probably two years ago. I remembered it was quite inspiring seeing real men cry. Men always give me the image of being strong, protecting their women with ego and pride. Somehow I have always wanted to be like them, to be as strong as men, to be better than men.


Of course. You would say. Well oh course I love this image. I have always been fond of Cristiano Ronaldo, no matter what he does/did.

It have been quite a difficult situation for me. I have read this Facebook status, saying 'crying isn't a sign of weakness, but a sign of staying strong for too long'. People do say, 'it is okay to cry, just let it out'. It ain't a solution, but a temporary remedy.

I faced a dilemma today, I think I already have the decision in mind, but I just need some assurance and support. Somehow, the egoistic me isn't asking for support and assistance. It is a decision that should be made since end of last year, it's not procrastination but stubbornness that held me for so long. I would say I am proud of myself but also I am weak for not continuing the journey. It has so many contradictions on each point, but a decision is still needed. I hope things will be clear soon.

The photography album above is called 'When Grown Men Cry'. What about 'When I cry', 'When You Cry', 'When We Cry'. Would people care like how they would search for the renowned masculine men?


Wenz


Monday, September 26, 2011

The Departure

In these 2 months, I've been saying Goodbyes quite often. It's never easy saying the word. I think this is applicable to everyone, it's not easy recovering from farewell. Sucks to handle the fact that someone's leaving, it's something unavoidable and inevitable.

One and a half month ago, I had to handle the departure of one of my best pal, trials exams and piano Grade 8 exams. Last week, the end of college with collegemates. Today, an unexpected farewell from a not to say close friend but a significant one.



There are loads more I want to say, tonnes more I want to cry out. But time is not allowing me to do so. This break, a study break, probably is what I need to rejuvenate and recover.

Peeps, it is not my intention to write emotional posts but the more I watch 'Eat Pray Love' the movie, the more I can relate myself to the main character. Except I cannot just leave everything and travel to places.

Dear readers, I am okay. Probably books can be my best anaesthetic and time can be my best remedy. I am on a Facebook fast on weekdays and trying to shun myself from any possible communication.

If you have anything, you may email or text me.


Love,
Wens

Wednesday, September 21, 2011

In the Reign of The End

How time flies, I have been in college for almost two years. Remembering when I delightedly accepted the scholarship, pursuing a course I never heard before. Now, I am on the verge of graduating, in the reign of the end. What is left are two days of non-studying and 6 days of final exams.

To be honest, I looked forward to the last day. Yes, it is indeed an upsetting news that there are friends you wouldn't hang out with. But, what matters more to me, is crossing the finishing line after almost two years of hard work, ending a road where it is winding all the way, and starting a new journey.

Perhaps it is really wrong in the very beginning, I have expected so much. I remembered spending time daydreaming life in a new school, embarking on a perfect college life, being friends with people all around the world, things not surrounding gossips and dramas. However, it all turns out the opposite. I blamed no one but be grateful to God, after all, this is a worthy scholarship, what else should I complain?

Two years, I have made some valuable friendships, I see different people from different parts of the world. I have to say the students' superior social status and financial background (yes, it's peer pressure) have made my life a bit harder. Not that I am jealous (oh well, a bit), but I was educated in a way that I learned to see faces and psychological aspect of different people. Perhaps I inherited my mom's genes, we read faces through gestures and mindsets. Not that I read minds and moods like the Twilight heartthrob does, but more to reading one's personality.

Probably in these two terms, I saw so many new things, you may call me observant =) From immaturity, poor leadership, backstabbing, alienation, emotional, racist, double-face agent, spoiled brat, to maturity, multi-talent, good follower, independent, decisive. The list goes on, I would say the bad exceeds the good. Don't get me wrong, I am not critising people, making me God-like, I am many of the bad qualities too. But sometimes it disappoints and annoys me much to see, yet I wouldn't make a voice to it.

Today, pretty much an emotional day. I wasn't, till I reached school and things triggered my bewildered mind. I saw more and more stuff today, not sure if it's stuff I want to see. I found out something as well, which upset me at first, but I felt relieved after being blindfolded for months. Yes, it's definitely feeling relieved and good. Come to think of it, I am stupid and narcissus to even think of that way.

Nevertheless, a cute lil 6 year old Spanish boy tried to console me in the bus, having a lovely chat about issues in the bus and a blossom red rose given by a birthday girl and a short nap, managed to put a smile on my face. Yes I am not doing any revisions for now, and probably not tomorrow, and on the mock up day. But I am feeling good and positive this way.

Thanks for reading till this far, it's quite a long and whiny one.


Love,
Wenx

Sunday, September 11, 2011

September 11th.


Ten years ago, I still vividly remembered my mom and me watching CNN breaking news when the World Trade Centre in New York City was attacked. Being a 9 year old naive girl, I don't think I find out on the very solemn day. The impact of this incident didn't hit me until recent years every September 11th. 

Dubbed as the incident that changed the world, particularly US, the terrorists attack claimed 2977 lives excluding the hijackers. A mixture of reaction was seen for this saddening incident, some were on the US side, some blamed the US for causing and resulting the death of hundreds of thousands of middle eastern's civilians, some even don't give a sh*t about it. 

Me being a person who is not keen on politics and wars, I can't really comment much on this. What really happened behind all those attacks and wars, do not matter much to me. But what really hurts to see is the loss of human nature through pursuing power and respective beliefs. What they cause in order to get what they want, is not just merely human sacrifices, but tears of pain, cries of grief, loss of innocent lives, and devastating states of demolitions.

I remembered I used to pray for world peace to God at night and during my birthday. Hoping for a better world and peace for us to live, the hope is still on, but as more explorations came, it dampens a little. Not that I have lost hope, but I changed my mind perspective as I grow. I learned about equilibrium in Economics and it inspires me about applying the theory in life philosophy. There can't be peace as bad and evil are always there to balance the nature of the world. There will always be rich and poor and both factors are counteracting each other. 

On a personal side, I would say I am pretty much a Jekyll and Hyde. Yes I have something that I want really badly, and yes, to achieve that, I would do and I did horrible things (not horrible, but I am punished by the guilt and the pain that I couldn't tell anyone). Come to think of it, it made me no difference than attackers and pretty much everyone. On comparison, similarly all of us would do things, even if it's bad things, in order to achieve something, we would lose part of the human nature. Whereas the difference is the degree of evilness and how much human nature that you would sacrifice to achieve the want.

There are tonnes of wants among billions of people. To satisfy it all will always be a mission impossible. But one thing for sure, a self-control is the key. It's really difficult to control the wants, on crossing the line of human nature, it's just a thin line of boundary. When you realise you are wrong and you want to cross back the line, it's either too late or the line has become a thick concrete wall. 

RIP to those who sacrificed on this day 10 years ago. Still finger-crossed for world peace and for human nature.


Love,
Wenz

Monday, August 29, 2011

The Kill, The Laugh, The Voice

The moment you are hit by waves of realisation, you are so angry at yourself for making such stupid and silly mistake. The thing is the thought appeared on my mind: 'leave it here and you will lose it'. But you thought: 'nahh I won't. I'm smart enough not to lose it'.

Half an hour later, the jolt of awareness came to your mind. Oh sh*t, only to think that 'oh I should have listened to my thoughts'. It feels like my mind is teasing me 'I told you so'.

I feel lost, in myself, there's an alien in me. Who are you, who am I, blood is all I see. The alien voice in my head is talking to me all the time. I tried hard to reject, tried hard to fight, but....

I tried to be someone else, but nothing seemed to change. I know now, this is who I really am inside, finally find myself, fighting for a chance I know now, this is who I really am.

Mistakes have been done. It's the past. Redemption is to be done. It's the key to future. Sorry is invalid. Making a change is appropriate.



Love,
Wenx

Wednesday, August 24, 2011

That was never my Intention

It was never my intention to humiliate you, you have no idea how much respect I have for you. It was never my intention to having argument, knowing that I can't voice it out spontaneously and couragely. It was never my intention to make things ended up this way, I was this close on finishing the week and the internal exams.

God has been kind to me for the week, but He never makes things easy. This is gonna pull me down, but on the verge of tears when you said (spat is a more accurate word) those cold words, I held my head up high and held your gaze firmly. I'm sorry, I said.

I am not sorry for doing it, but I am sorry that it had to happen and you were upset. 'Don't make this mistake again.' It was never a mistake, it was just when discussion turned ugly, mistake became misunderstanding, a stupid one.

It was ridicule that it wasn't your piercing words that made me cry, but a letter from my friend did. It made me felt honoured to have been a good friend. But with this happened, it upset me, for not being a good person.

I have no regrets at all, but I was never trained to be one with high self esteem. What you see from the outside, 'superwoman' my cute friends said to me, is just an acting that I was trained for long. Inside, I am vulnerable and fragile, but I will never let the weaker side of mine out, never.

Things will not be the same after today. I might not smile at you whenever you pass by. I can't just pretend things never happen, not only we had upset you, you had broken my self esteem when I needed it the most.


Wenx.

Sunday, August 21, 2011

When This is It

When times are hard, I would try to remember, there are much harder stuff in the world.

When relationships are cold, I would try to please and keep quiet, fight no more and care less.

When 12 units of 6 subjects are difficult to cope, I would remind myself, there are people doing 14-16 units of 7-8 subjects.

When there are complaints, I would try hard, to keep to myself.

When the arm muscles are hurting from practising scales, I would remind myself, I am done for good after tomorrow.

When love and support are gone, I would know, at least I am there for myself.

When the heart is not pumping, I would know, I have tried the best I could.

But, what if, I am so sick and tired of giving these excuses? 

Yes, when you are so sick and tired, you would keep telling yourself, there are more people outside are suffering more than you.

Thursday, August 18, 2011

It's All Human Nature

When I am down, it's his voice, their music who accompanied the journey to comfort zone.

It might due to the pre-trials stress, I wasn't feeling well in school. Come to think of it, I felt a ridiculous thud of disappointment, it's not that I feel abandoned or left out. But it's the truth that 'people come to you when they need you, dump you when they are done'. It was like primary school all over again, how immature, how ironic. Furthermore, the thought that people taking what you have without even asking or informing, is even more hurtful, with the sharp wave of pain attacking my soul.

I approached the piano with touch of fierceness, wanting to bang on each note with hatred. I tried to immerse myself in the mountain of books, but my mind is can't stop thinking about my stupidity of being used. I should have known, it's just the rhythm of life, part of human nature.

Think no more. It's the upcoming week I should be worrying about. Play no more. It's time to focus. Say no more. I just want peace, the rest is all 'up to you'.


Wenx

Sunday, August 14, 2011

A Terrible Approach, Right?

The next 12 days, I can't really put it to words. It felt like it's a never-ending road, I know it's all gonna end in 81 days. But the level of pressure is peaking and the preparation isn't working as how as I want it to be. I have tried, but it's not good enough.

I came into a jolt of realization, in order to achieve something, you need to sacrifice something, an opportunity cost. No pain no gain, I might lose myself for achieving what I want. Looking at the definition of my course given by the urbandictionary.com.

One of the most gruelling of any type of exam, by any standard. Taken in Australia, in the final year of schooling, the HSC (Higher School Certificate) determines your ATAR (Australian Tertiary Admisstion Rank), or subsequently, your life. Those exams have caused countless teenage suicides, and mass depression in adolescents, which causes excessive drinking and debauchery, and consequently, suspension, lowering the opportunity to learn and succeed with this incredibly painful ordeal.

It's seem a bit over-exaggerated. Yes it is tough. The ATAR is what holding me. I consider myself as a very competitive person, a good rank is basically what I have been fighting for my life. I know what I want, I know which position I want to be in. It's a brutal and competitive world, I would say if you want to excel, a rank is very important.

HSC and the ATAR taught me many stuff, in terms of philosophical life. I've seen how people approach the concept of exams, ranks and life. I do respect other's point of views. ATAR might not be a rank that defines everything, but it will defines my life, my future in the university.


It would be really difficult to handle the departure of a really close friend of mine, the upcoming Grade 8 exams and HSC trials exam. It's a challenge that I must undergo, and a mission that God leaves me, and please allow me to gain inspirations from it. Fingers crossed, I thank you'all for your support.

I'LL BE ON A FACEBOOK FAST FOR THESE 12 DAYS. IF YOU NEED TO CONTACT ME, PLEASE EMAIL ME OR TEXT ME. THANK YOU.



Love,
Wenz

Counting down to 9 months later.


It's been awhile since I last made a video, couldn't think of any better farewell gift other than a homemade video, I hope you like it, I know you do :)

I have always known you will be going to USA for tertiary education. But deep down, I wasn't really prepared to let you go, I can't imagine not hanging out with you at least once a month, and now, 9 months without you! It sounds like you are my boyfriend, but you are more than that! A hubby whom I love very much, a good friend whom I thankfully have. Recalled the moments of us having roars of laughter, moments of secret talks and gossips, the jumble of memories always put a smile on my face.

It was really a sad day, it really didn't hit me till the last 15 minutes that the sudden jolt of realization hit me 'SHE'S-LEAVING-IN-15-MINUTES'. With a pang of sadness, I was sobbing quietly, I really don't want you to see my tears, I don't want to make you cry. But I can't help it. Waved you goodbye, I walked to my car, even Tokio Hotel can't make me sing as usual. It was the hardest journey ever, knowing the journey signified for not seeing you for months.

I didn't know it would be this difficult, I thought I can hold back my tears, I thought I can not let you cry. I was wrong, it was the hardest goodbye ever. But, I was really happy for you, happy to see your dream come true, happy to see you going for a new chapter of life. I wish the best for you, as you always see the best in me. You gave me the energy to carry on the upcoming hellish 2 weeks. I wish you to have great fun in the States!

Update me whenever you can, the traditional email way would be great as I will be on a Facebook fast for two weeks. I will stay tune at your blog, as your loyal blog reader. P.S. I LOVE YOU. And you know I don't simply say those 3 words to anyone <3




XOXO,
Wenx

Tuesday, August 2, 2011

I am Magical.

Isn't this the best thing a fan could ever ask for? Alongside with Harry Potter, I am now one of Pottermore. Long live, Harry Potter.

'You are magical'

I am magical.

We are magical.


But not everyone believes that.

Robin Sharma does. Currently reading this book by the world class leadership mentor. Though things he said are pretty much what I've already knew, but to frame it to words to match what is it in my head, Sharma did it in a way that his words of wisdom inspired me deeply. Allowing me to have a journey of fatherly talk with him through words, I know what to do, what to focus and how to walk the journey of life.



Love,
Wenz

Saturday, July 16, 2011

It's never easy saying goodbye.

21st July 2007, 6.54am. First day the book was released. Finished in two days.
17th Nov 2010, 11.30am. First day of the part one of the movie. Finished in 2 and 1/2 hours.
14th July 2011, 2.10pm. First day of the part two of the movie. Finished in 2 and 1/4 hours.

Harry Potter saga. Done? Now what?

Recalled how I start to like Harry Potter, it didn't start when I got my first Harry Potter book as a birthday gift from my parents. Well, they got me the Chamber of Secrets (second book), I have absolutely no knowledge about this famous wizard with a lightning bolt scar. As a ten year old kid, I was never drawn to words, not realising the power of words, how it heals and hurts, creates and destroys, charms and upsets.



Then the craze started when the Prisoner of Azkaban (third movie) came out. I started to fall in love, and then there it comes, in about three or four years, seven books I have collected and read. The Deathly Hallows (last movie) marks the first time of me dropping tears in the cinema. It was just emotionally-challenged, I knew what would happen, reading the book before watching the movie. I knew Snape will be dead, no doubt Alan Rickman (portrait by the peculiar yet ever-cool Alan Rickman) and director David Yates successfully captured the emotional moment that created the most touching scene I have ever seen after Titanic's Rose and Jack's romance. It was sad and difficult to see the saga coming to an end, realising there's no more to expect.



The last and arguably the best among all signifies the end of a decade, but it never dies in a fan's heart. Of 10 years of spells and charms, it does more than a childhood accompaniment. It transforms my childhood into a mix of magic and fantasy, helps me realising value and love. I don't care how technology savvy can a future child be in the future, with iPad and iPhone replacing Tom & Jerry and Barbie, I will introduce Harry Potter to their lives.





Love,
Wenx

Sunday, July 10, 2011

19th, and more to come.

Just few days before 8th of July, I was disturbed by the fact nothing felt right. Life's like plotting a graph and I was at the transitional period and it was a recession that had lasted for quite awhile. It all began when I was obsessed in achieving what I want, and when I fell, I fell hard on my face. The Singapore trip proved to be what I needed after a long battle, although it didn't turn out as good as I expected, it was what I deserved.

I have always liked the beach. It always gives me a touch of calm, a surge of excitement , and a jumble of memories. However, I looked beyond the sea, listened to the sounds of wave, clenched hard to the bicycle which I could not handle; on the verge of tears, I felt a twinge of sadness, a clench of regret and a ping of disappointment.

Coming back to reality had always brought me to thinkings and redemption. There were loads to be done, but none is started and completed. At times, I don't even know if my people-pleasing disease is back. A nice birthday dinner at Look Out Point was indeed lovely and surprising, overlooked at the night view of Kuala Lumpur, covered by the mist but still beautiful and calm. Surrounded by laughters and chatters, it was a cozy dinner with the close ones, and they brought me back to life.

I cancelled the original plan to celebrate on the official day, knowing that all I needed for the first day of the 19th year was to spend time alone, doing whatever I like and want. A nearly 2 hours window shopping trip to my second home, KLCC all by myself, proved to be a relaxing one. I enjoyed looking stuff I liked, visiting shops I loved, not worrying about other stuff. An one hour rest in Starbucks, reading my last book of the blockbuster series, Harry Potter. A brief lunch with a few close friends was an addition delighted touch on the day.

Tried the best macaroons in Harrods, bought two handbags for mother, had a beauty nap, a nice jog with the favourite band, Tokio Hotel plugged to my ears and applied a soothing mask. A simple dinner at Nando's with family was nice and lovely. The highlight of the day was watching The Sound of Music with the accompaniment of glasses of red wine. I enjoyed singing along with the catchy tunes, my family joined in too.

I had decided I didn't want to spend my day refreshing Facebook page and reading wishes. Don't get me wrong, I really appreciate all the 157 friends who wished me through Facebook and Whatsapp , but I would wanna spend a better time to reply their wishes personally and sincerely, which I already did. Thank you once again, y'all know who you are. It was a lil disappointed for some who didn't wish, with the fact that they are on Facebook 24/7.

An extra note of appreciation to those who wished me through phone texts, I was really delighted and touched and sorry for not replying it instantly. I expressed my special gratitude to those who make it to the Thursday dinner. Once again, y'know who you are. Thank you for making it even though it was quite a last minute notice, and you babes had never failed to brighten my day for years. A lovely thank you to the *wink wink* bestie who gave me such a thoughtful and meaningful gift, it meant the world to me. A special thank you to my *wink wink* hubby who put in efforts for the 2 days and everything you have done. Thank you to my lovely family for the treat and love.

I thank God for granting me another birthday to celebrate and blessing me, that it was a joyful one. I thank Ronaldo (though he wouldn't care who I am) for his inspiration for a pre-university course. I thank all of you once again who had been part on the 19th birthday of mine.

19th and still counting. I am ready for more falls and more achievements, more sorrows and more happiness, more adventures and more discoveries, more inspirations and more changes.


XOXO,
Wen Xin

19th, and more to come.

Just few days before 8th of July, I was disturbed by the fact nothing felt right. Life's like plotting a graph and I was at the transitional period and it was a recession that had lasted for quite awhile. It all began when I was obsessed in achieving what I want, and when I fell, I fell hard on my face. The Singapore trip proved to be what I needed after a long battle, although it didn't turn out as good as I expected, it was what I deserved.

I have always liked the beach. It always gives me a touch of calm, a surge of excitement , and a jumble of memories. However, I looked beyond the sea, listened to the sounds of wave, clenched hard to the bicycle which I could not handle; on the verge of tears, I felt a twinge of sadness, a clench of regret and a ping of disappointment.

Coming back to reality had always brought me to thinkings and redemption. There were loads to be done, but none is started and completed. At times, I don't even know if my people-pleasing disease is back. A nice birthday dinner at Look Out Point was indeed lovely and surprising, overlooked at the night view of Kuala Lumpur, covered by the mist but still beautiful and calm. Surrounded by laughters and chatters, it was a cozy dinner with the close ones, and they brought me back to life.

I cancelled the original plan to celebrate on the official day, knowing that all I needed for the first day of the 19th year was to spend time alone, doing whatever I like and want. A nearly 2 hours window shopping trip to my second home, KLCC all by myself, proved to be a relaxing one. I enjoyed looking stuff I liked, visiting shops I loved, not worrying about other stuff. An one hour rest in Starbucks, reading my last book of the blockbuster series, Harry Potter. A brief lunch with a few close friends was an addition delighted touch on the day.

Tried the best macaroons in Harrods, bought two handbags for mother, had a beauty nap, a nice jog with the favourite band, Tokio Hotel and applied a soothing mask. A simple dinner at Nando's with family was nice and lovely. The highlight of the day was watching The Sound of Music with the accompaniment of glasses of red wine. I enjoyed singing along with the catchy tunes, my family joined in too.

I had decided I didn't want to spend my day refreshing Facebook page and reading wishes. Don't get me wrong, I really appreciate all the 157 friends who wished me through Facebook and Whatsapp , but I would wanna spend a better time to reply their wishes personally and sincerely, which I already did. Thank you once again, y'all know who you are. It was a lil disappointed for some who didn't wish, with the fact that they are on Facebook 24/7.

An extra note of appreciation to those who wished me through phone texts, I was really delighted and touched and sorry for not replying it instantly. I expressed my special gratitude to those who make it to the Thursday dinner. Once again, y'know who you are. Thank you for making it even though it was quite a last minute notice, and you babes had never failed to brighten my day for years. A lovely thank you to the *wink wink* bestie who gave me such a thoughtful and meaningful gift, it meant the world to me. A special thank you to my *wink wink* hubby who put in efforts for the 2 days and everything you have done. Thank you to my lovely family for the treat and love.

I thank God for granting me another birthday to celebrate and blessing me, that it was a joyful one. I thank Ronaldo (though he wouldn't care who I am) for his inspiration for a pre-university course. I thank all of you once again who had been part on the 19th birthday of mine.

19th and still counting. I am ready for more falls and more achievements, more sorrows and more happiness, more adventures and more discoveries, more inspirations and more changes.


XOXO,
Wen Xin

Sunday, June 5, 2011

Be Careful What You Wish For.


It had been awhile since I last picked up a book and enjoyed reading it. Reading through my long reading list, I decided it was time for some chic-lit moment. And there it went, 'Be Careful What You Wish For.

All of us do have wish, perhaps I should say wishes. And everyday, you are pushed or guided to strive your best, hoping one day you will reach the dreams, a day of wishes come true. But is the wish what you want? I came across Eminem's song, of the same title, and I found a good quote.

'So be careful what you wish for
Cause you just might get it
And if you get it then you just might not know
What to do wit' it, 'cause it might just
Come back on you ten-fold'

I wish for a planned life, so it would be exactly how I want it to be.
I wish for a fairytale relationship, so I would be able to experience a lovey-dovey moment.
I wish to be successful and rich, so I can enjoy all the glory and luxury.
I wish the world to be in peace and harmony, so people can live in joy and satisfaction.
I wish to watch a tennis Grand Slam final and football match in Old Trafford, just to experience how it is like to be one of spectators to be viewed by millions on TV.
I wish to date a celebrity, well, it's more to a fantasy.
I wish to have a fantastic and healthy body.
I WISH ALL MY WISHES TO COME TRUE.

But, but. The consequences lying along the journey of getting all the wants and needs, might be a bigger impact to you than the finale. You might risk losing a life, a friend, morality, happiness...

I know what I want, I know what I wish for. The inspirations like Li Na becoming the first Asian to win the French Open, 12 year old Youtuber playing sensational classical pieces, Cristiano Ronaldo achieving the PiChiChi award, high achievers gaining top academic honours, my idol purchasing cars and homes like how I buy food....

Inspirational people with incredible success, proves that dreams are achievable and nothing is impossible. And sometimes in order to get what you want, you just can't do what you want, at certain stage, you ought to do what it takes to win and make the best out of it.



Wishing,
Wenz

Friday, May 27, 2011

Adoring the Green Can

Yes, the green can. On a lifeless Friday night, with a completely exhausted body and worn-out mind, I glanced at the coffee table, a green can with dripping water vapours caught my attention. With a half-closing pair of eyes, I decided to treat myself one.

Sipped, I wish the liquor can just make my worries disappear. I hope the boiling sensation in my stomach can make me sleep better without waking up at 5.30am in the morning. I am relying on the green can to make me feel better. Yes, it has been a bl--dy sh*tty week, maybe I am stressing myself out, perhaps I am not a person who can handle big responsibility or high position. Once again, this will give me a few days of thinking.

When a responsibility is given, you have no obligations but to perform your best. After the week, I might have overrated myself, considering I can manage a given task well. The truth is always hurtful, and the hopes I have given to myself are not reached, expectations are crushed. It's depressing and disappointing to see that happen, but it can be a motivation driving myself to the next challenge, with an improvised mindset.

Stress. When it over-controlled you, you are no longer yourself. What you risk losing is a life, what you might be gaining is the will to put up a good fight, to fight back the rights to have the control of your life. Stress is a manipulative life variable. When it's positive, it will push you to the limit, bring you the glory and taste of success. Oppositely, it might bring you down with the mental game, where you will never emerge as a winner.

Sipping the last mouth from the green can, the bitterness did not make the stress away, indicating that avoiding isn't a way to solve existing problems. I am not ready to face it nor to solve it but I know I am ready to work on changes.


Kisses to the magic green can,
Wenx

Wednesday, May 25, 2011

Have you ever?

Have you ever felt every breath you take, is a step to closer to pain? But you have no choice but to inhale?

Have you ever felt when listening to any song, you just want to let the tears out? But you have no choice but to hold back.

Have you ever felt that you no longer have the energy to stay strong, just wanna give up straight right away? But you have no choice but to stay strong even though your battery life is close to depletion.

Have you ever felt to mute yourself, so that you don't have to listen to any noise, any arguments, any piercing words?

Have you ever thought of shutting yourself from the real world, just to get a little more time for yourself, to breath and to think? But time ain't your good friend, mate.

Have you ever wondered what are you fighting for, why are you living for? But why there isn't an answer?


People often ask: How are you?
I answer: Yeah I am good, still surviving.
The truth: Well, you can't really say 'my life is screwed'.


ARGH,
Wenx

Thursday, April 21, 2011

I've just got 'inception-ed'


Months after this blockbuster thriller was released, I watched it, finally. And yes, I've just got 'inception-ed'! The manipulative plot managed to bring me for a high-flying and thriving roller coaster ride, the idea of planting an idea inside someone's brain using development of subconscious using dream within a dream was total genius, pure genius, true genius. I can't help myself but to bite my fingernails during the last 20 minutes, to see how levels of dreams being solved.

This movie did inspire me about something, of a reality issue, of dreams VS. reality. Some people will position themselves strategically in an imaginative fantasy where they seek for an escape from the polluted and corrupted reality.

The quote by Leonardo DiCaprio, 'You taught me how to use people's mind'. This line of thought got me contemplating, more generally, it's so applicable in our daily lives. I have been observing for quite some time, rereading my diary posts, there are a lot of mind games, ugly dramas and broken hearts. Those who know how to use the psychological method to master one person, the gamer will have a great advantage over the pleaser. It's like a possession, or rather just a cat-chasing-rat game.

'One word for you, stupid!'

Laughing out loud, my mom spat that right on my face. I was in denial, but deep inside, I truly know it was the truth. Between me and the gamer, I will always be the one being shadowed with the gamer getting all the limelight. It's not something I want to fight for, because it's not worth fighting for. But yet, the psychological pressure is so huge that it always become an overwhelming frustration and an admission of failure.

Oh well, I guess I have to use a different frame of mind, using psychology to learn mind-controlling and emotion self-defensing. Dreams and reality, too bad it's always have to involve making decisions between two tempting options. Sometimes in order to avoid the pigeons holes and pitfalls of the past in life, you just have to wake up from your dreams and face your reality. And sometimes you need to re-imagine a dream in order to make the reality come true. Ladies and gentlemen, do you want to live in an architecturally-built dreams or a harshly world?



Love,
Wenz

Wednesday, April 20, 2011

Black - The New Red Alert


Friday has always been really interesting and captivating, yes it’s the last day of working or studying, a significant day as you make it through the week, heading to a much relaxing weekend so you can catch your breath and slow down for a while. And yet, recently, we are lucky enough to have a song to sing about Friday, to embrace the greatness of this wonderful day which brings us joy, even some of us, parties till late morning. Thanks to latest (oh well I think I am one month late to post this up) Youtube sensation, Rebecca Black.

What can I say about her? I shall start with the day I ‘discovered’ her. I overheard in my common room, the gang of friends were watching the infamous video, ‘Friday~ Friday~’, I watched for 10 seconds, a Demi Lovato look-alike with weird mouth was the lead singer. And funnily, I blindly asked, ‘Is she the female version of Justin Bieber?’

Dang, I was so right, for these three weeks, on every Friday night, my Facebook news feed will be flooded with ‘Friday~ Friday~ Partying~ Partying~’ statuses and ‘Rebecca Black – Friday (Official Music Video)’. To be honest, I’ve never clicked to watch that video, I am not interested and not wanting as I don’t think there is a need. I’ve read harsh comments about her and it did spark me up a bit to wanting to watch her video. But oh well, no thank you. I don’t need to see a 14-year-old kid as a laughing material.

Yes, the fact that she is 14 years old is scary. The society has becoming a criticizing one (or maybe all the while it has been like this) where people enjoy laughing at people’s act. Who care if she can’t sing, apparently according to my Facebook news feed 2 weeks ago, 30 million people did. Perhaps by now, the music video might gather 40 or even 50 million views.

The truth is, we are all flawed individuals with imperfections. Black may have been accused for sound pollution or for being horrendous disaster for the pop music industry. But the phenomenon of Black reflects the ugly side of human beings, for being disrespectful, for being foulmouthed, and cold-hearted. Information sharing is indeed vital in this digital era, and those videos are perfect as the topic of communication. But I doubt the meaning of this kind of communication, for the sake of keeping in touch, or the sake of catching up a hot trend, or just for the sake of laughing at other people.

Just like Bieber (I’ve posted something similarly to this about Bieber: http://wikolia-wens.blogspot.com/2010/05/bieber-fever.html ), I am defending Black because she is just another victim who has been globalised to be a public social enemy. And this leads to my italic question above, yes she is the female version of Bieber, not the fact of singing talent, but the fact of them being such a worldwide sensation.

This post is not intended to anyone, but I just hope this will give you a good think, is it appropriate or necessary to criticize her that way? Maybe my answer would be different if I’ve watched the full length video. But really, I have better things to do. If there aren’t so many outspoken people, this world would have been a better place.

*

Back to the picture, ‘where’s Friday’. It’s in 2 days time and it’s going to mark the closing end of my 2 weeks break. Oh well, 1 week holidays to be precise. Though this week has not been a productive study week but I do realize this break has allowed me to rest and to set up routines that I have to practice. With about 6 more months to finish the pre-university course, I have a lot more to fix and a lot more routines to adapt. With hope, I know I can.


Love,

Wenz


Thursday, April 14, 2011

The Circuitous Path of Life


I looked at my phone screen, it stated 2.14am, I forced myself back to sleep but my mind can’t stop thinking of home. Looked to the right through the window grill, why am I here? Why did I choose to be trapped in this place? I’ve become a stranger in a strange land, living with a bunch of unknowns for 5 days 4 nights. I starred at my reflection on a broken mirror, wondering ‘who am I’ and ‘what I am fighting for’. I’ve asked these 2 questions a lot of times recently. There isn’t an answer, yet. From this trip which is like a liberating vacation from the dreadful half yearly exams, what I’ve learned is more to a reinvention of a lost person who has been going at the wrong direction for a long time.

‘Akak, when going back?’

‘Thursday’

‘Friday cannot?’

‘I’ve school on Friday. You want me to stay?’

‘Yes, stay till Friday.’

Rebecca’s soft voice asked me several times every day, I’ve lost count of how many times. I can’t help myself to look into Sarah’s eyes, her huge eyes with super-curled lashes starred into my inner soul and it gave me a reason to smile.

‘Kak, why are you crying?’

I can’t help myself to break down on the second day, after knowing some of the kids’ backgrounds. I wondered, why are there parents like that, why make the kids suffer, why are they so irresponsible, why is God so cruel to them, why the kids become that violent and mad, why, why, and WHY?! Perhaps I was outta my mind because of PMS, the mild recovery for the exam which has drained out the energy and confidence in me, the killing loneliness, the unexpected call, the terrible homesick… Thank God there are family and friends who helped me through the second day and the kids who put back a smile on my face.

I accompanied Patricia to Brickfields to send Rebecca to kindergarten. Rebecca was smiling all the way, standing wobbly in the bus, holding Patricia’s hand while crossing the road, waiting for Patricia’s nod to walk into the kindergarten and running frantically to the door. Bringing books from the cupboard upstairs to the newly-sponsored bookshelves from the Kiwanis Club of Kuala Lumpur was a good workout. The kids were appreciative for accessing the resources during their free time. They are a bunch of intelligent and hardworking kids who just require a bit of pushing in life and guidance.

‘Do you hate your dad?’

‘No’

Elizabeth answered affirmatively and instantaneously. She shared me her personal stories and ambition. She cried at night when thinking about her grandfather who is critically sick. I got the chance to celebrate her brother’s birthday on 11th April, they had KFC and a birthday cake, sponsored by a restaurant owner. They were laughing, talking in Tamil where I couldn’t obviously understand at all, they are in a big family, they are happy outside, but deep inside, are they?

How lucky we are to have a family to expect your arrival each day? How fortunate we are to have a home to go back, a nice bed to sleep on? How good our life is, if to compare with those kids? Why are we complaining each day? Based on my observations in life, some people are loaded with fortune, and they can waste their money on unnecessary stuff where those kids floundered helplessly on transport money and pocket money; they can waste their precious time on useless and meaningless things. There is a strong urge inside of me to give them one tight slap and a long philosophical speech. But come to think of it, why should I be bothered? Why wasting my time where I can focus on more deserving unfortunate lives?

‘Kak, write down the formula, I learn after I buy one’

I was holding my old Rubik’s Cube, which has become Luke’s cube. Disappointment is displayed on his face when his first cube is broken. He tore out the old Rubik’s Cube’ stickers and pasted on the Sudoku Cube with glue. He seemed so interested and determined to master the Rubik’s Cube since last evening. That’s something I used to have, I wondered why have I lost it.

‘Kak eaten already?’

It’s funny that I was there to serve my residential project, they are the ones who are serving me, taking good care of me and inspiring me. During my stay, I’ve seen rodents and more big fat disgusting lizards. But what scares me more are the fear of being scolded and beaten up, the need to use violence to protect themselves, the fact that they are fighting for a life, the hardship they have to suffer due to their backgrounds, the pain and sadness that they have endured for losing part of their life, the insecurity, the hardcore discipline…

I was eagerly anticipating the clock to strike 11am on the last day, bidding farewell to the adults, Patricia and Sarah. The other kids were in school, I didn’t have the chance to say a proper goodbye. But I know deeply in my heart, it ain’t goodbye, I will be back, when I have the chance. Sarah came out from the home and waved to me, the three-second exchange seemed insignificant, but I do know, I have made some changes in them and they have made even greater changes in me. God bless all of them.

Love,

Wenx


Friday, February 4, 2011

To King from Queen.

Dear King,
5 years of secondary school life, it would not be a colourful one, if it wasn't with you, Hanani Azman.


A jovial girl who was the class monitor, leaded Melati to ultimate glory, took responsiblities to the fullest. I had great fun participating in Dikir Barat, being in the naughtiest and noisiest class, being under your wonderful leadership.

An awesome friend who is always there for her friends, for me. I truly thank her a lot or her love and care as she isn't afraid to show it off. Consistent 'likes' and comments are an encouragement from her for me to keep up my work. Her comments on this blog is one of the reason that this blog is surviving.

A scholarship recipient in IACT who is pursuing her studies in Mass Communication who shows passion and dedication to her dream. I wish her all the best and may successes will be with her from now and till the future.

A King who is crowned with the series of Narnia, and the fortunate me, as 'her' Queen. We are the King and Queen, nothing will change us. I am positive that our friendship will last. Because you never give up on things, never give up on me.



Happy Birthday my King.

May the 19th year bring you the courage to explore the adventures of life, the joy which brings you smiles and happiness, the determination when you encounter challenges and the love, to you from me.

Have a great one!



Love,
Queen.

Wednesday, February 2, 2011

Pre-CNY


I spent a week before school reopen, baking Chinese New Year cookies as my annual practice. It has been the third year of baking CNY cookies, and yeah, I am pretty proud with my baking skills ;)


Baking whole week killed me off, the preparation of giant amount of ingredients, the heat of the microwave oven and built-in oven, the moulding part... It was just too much work to do, but thanks to my brothers who helped out and mother who washed all the equipments, I survived and the outcomes (5 different cookies) were all good =)


Chinese New Year, a time for relatives from all places to gather and to catch up; a time for us Chinese people to test the luck (gambling), a time for us to try something (alcohol!), a time for us (unmarried) to get angpaos ($$), a time for parents and relatives to talk about politics, a time for me to repeat my degree choice to the adults (Haha).


I am not really in a mood to celebrate CNY, it might be because of school works are piling up, there are plans to do, plans to follow, and most importantly, I have to discover myself again. But things are going pretty well at this moment =)


Chinese New Year. I wonder people are celebrating for the sake of doing it, for the sake of it is a traditional festival which is celebrated for centuries or you really mean it. But I am really grateful to have the 4 days break, at least it's a break. And for those who have a week off and still complaining, shut up!


Currently listening to Celine Dion's, her voice never fails to touch the inner me.


Happy Chinese New Year to all. May you are blessed with good health, luck and prosperity. To be realistic, not everyone will have a great year, there will be downs and falls. May your Rabbit year is the year you learn to change, be a better person and lead a better life. Gong Hei Fatt Choi =)



Love,
Wenx.

Thursday, January 27, 2011

Idol Fever

Knowing that I wouldn't have the mood to study, I shall blog. Was meant to blog about this last Thursday when it debuts it's first episode.


Yes, once again, every year, the new season of American Idol commences. And I never fail to catch it, you can say, I pretty much growing up watching Idol, but not cartoons, oh well, apart from Tom and Jerry!


Last season, when Idol shockingly announced that the 3 of the 4 judges were leaving the panel, including the much-beloved Simon Cowell, comments of 'American Idol would be so different without Cowell', 'Gah I don't have a reason to watch Idol anymore!' and 'Idol would be meaningless and boring to watch, not watching, hmph!' instantly filled Facebook's lives feed and a hot topic to talk about with friends.



New judges comprise of the talented Jennifer Lopez and rockstar legend Steven Tyler from Aerosmith, teamed up with Randy Jackson. They are the reason why we should continuing watching Idol. After 8 seasons of Cowell-Abdul-Jackson, 1 season with new Degenerous-Dioguardi, we certainly need a change to this 10 years old show. What do we expect from the outrageous vocalist Tyler and the multi-talented hot mom Lopez? It's something we need to watch.


Besides, Idol producer Simon Fuller certainly knows how to attract the audiences. With the impressive trailer on the first episode, multi changes as compared to the previous ones, star-studded judging panel. I am still and always an Idol fan. Furthermore, Idol has produced top singers like Kelly Clarkson, Carrie Underwood, Chris Daughtry, Adam Lambert, David Cook and so on. Is there a reason why we stop watching the birth of the next superstar idol and his/her wonderful journey?


Most importantly, Idol is definitely an inspiration to me. The stories behind the contestants really touched my heart and are making me shedding tears. We often complain about how difficult and miserable life is, but not knowing we are so fortunate if compared to others. We can definitely lead a better life, but we are blinded by the will of seeking sympathy, wasting time, not putting effort and many other stupid excuses.


May God bless the girlfriend of the contestant just now, may good health and happiness are with you. And to your boyfriend aka no-name-contestant, I shall find out about your name soon. Thank you for your life experience, it really got me thinking, 'DESTINY', an interesting topic which I still couldn't figure out after so long.



Love,
Wenx