When I was a child, and even now as a young adult, one of the phrase I hate is 'shut up'. This phrase rudely dismissed one's right to speak. This phrase fuels the arrogance of the speaker to silence someone and to express distaste in the other person's statement, whether it is an exchange, a commentary, a debate or a discussion.
I used to be vocal about what I thought, not so much on issues, but my daily musings. I remembered posting up quotes that conclude my thoughts, attracting likes which is motivating. I do not know when it stopped. I wanted to write, and I know I have to read more and I know I have to engage more. Sadly I discovered that I could not write, eloquently and expressively. This fear haunted me for awhile, it led to me unable to write the production in my head, the argument for my group assignment, any public posts online. Instead, I resolve to stay here, in my safe space, my personal blog. But this blog, isn't a 'Blockbuster'-ed blog after all. I wish it could live up to its name one day.
These few years, I practiced the sound of silence, and I observed. I read the comment sections on articles that interested me and not a day goes by that my hope shattered bit by bit. I began to lose my faith in humanity, the twisted views, the ugly language but most importantly, the need to bash up someone's commentary just to prove one is right, disgusted me.
We talked about grand theories and world issues, with the attention on social issues. Every comment stays firm on their own, there is less acknowledgement on differ views, there are more emotions involved with what is personal to them. Feminism, racism, sexism, war, politics, etc. The social media war is ugly. What are we trying to promote? That we have a valid voice? That the voice is worth listening to? That we have a position to take? That those voices are doing anything practical?
I found my last few Finance lectures to be very inspiring, to a point that I hope it is a turning point of this stage of life. Quoting one of the quote my lecturer put on the lecture:
'The only thing necessary for the triumph of evil if for Good Men to do Nothing. - Edmund Burke'
Till then, in the wake of learning how I could nurture myself better, I hold on to the sound of silence. Until one day, when I can silence the sound of chaos.